9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
