He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
