so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
