i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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