Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
