what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
