my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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