If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize