i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
