Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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