I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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