There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
