You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
