It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
