you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
