I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
