i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
