Farmville is her only friend.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
