Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
