the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
