so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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