guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
