I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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