the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
