I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
