If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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