I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
