what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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