He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Randomize