it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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