I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
