I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
can u get pink eye on your cock?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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