I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I have demons in me.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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