They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
