I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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