so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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