I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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