I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I wish you could order shots online.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
