just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
