Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
