I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
