She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
