Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize