i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
