We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
