I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
