I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
