nut hugger
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
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