y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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