So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
