My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
