I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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