A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
