Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
