If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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