Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
