How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
