Is it normal to miss your booty call?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
