what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
