so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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