I need help removing her.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
