you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
